RECREATION ~ HUMOR ~ HUMOUR ~ LAUGH A LITTLE

                      HUMOR      HUMOUR
</strongWe do need humor to get away from the depressing awful, abominable deeds being done in the world today.    Over the years, I have heard and thought of some good jokes and humorous stories.    Here are a few:HILARITY:  

{ Former Russian premier Mikhail } Gorbachev and his chauffeur were riding in the country.  The chauffeur’s auto accidentally ran over a pig.   Gorbachev went to the farmhouse to tell the farmer what had happened to his hog.   Shortly thereafter, Gorbachev ran amongst a hail of brooms, garbage and screams by the farmer.   Down the road, the same incident happened.    Gorbachev went to the farmhouse.   A minute later, Gorbachev ran back amongst shrieking, screams, a hail of garbage, nails and miscellaneous refuge back to his chauffeur!
Going down the road, the same incident happened again!  This time, Gorbachev ordered his chauffeur to the farmhouse to tell the owner what had happened.  A half hour went by.   The chauffeur came out with wreaths, ribbons and other goodies and decorations wrapped around him, caviar, piles of food and gifts. Gorbachev said  “look, what happened when you told him?”   The chauffeur said “I told him”.   Gorbachev said: then why the celebration and delirious joy!   WHAT did you say to him?!”.   Chauffeur: “I told him.  Gorbachev is in the car. The pig is dead”.
THAT earned the chauffeur THREE YEARS in the gulag.

Pop has many interests, among them being airplanes, how they run, how to build, watch them, et cetera^.    When I was a kid, he would take me to air shows.   On some, they had parachutists do their stunts.   After Pop explained why the parachutes where the shape they were and their function, I asked Pop:  what if the parachute does not work?     Pop said:    “You get your money back.”    I was too young to know about insurance and the fact that insurance conglomerates spend the overwhelming percentage of their time attempting to get out of paying what the moguls are obligated to do.    Ark, ark, ark.    Also, the fact that Pop may have been talking about the audience as well as the dead chutist!

There were two young, healthy men who were walking when they observed a very, very old looking man.     One said “that man looks VERY old”.    The other said  “yeah, I wonder how old that man is”.     They said to one another “yes, we had better find out just how old that old man really is”.     

They stopped and chatted with the gaunt, haggard, unshaven man.    They asked him “what is your formula for long life”?      The gaunt, haggard man said “I drink a bottle of the devil’s juice and visit a woman of ill repute every night”.    The two young men:    “What!”       Old man:    “you heard me right.    I drink a bottle of the devil’s juice and find a woman of ill repute every night”.   The two young men:   “Every night?!”      Old man:    “every night.”      The two young men:   “every night?”       Old man:    “every night.”      The two young men:    “are you sure?”        Old man:     “dead sure.   You heard me right.”      The two young  men:   “That’s remarkable.    Well, how old are you, any way?”          Old man:   “22”.    

I have a friend who is married to a lady from a different country.    While watching a pro football game, there be was a kickoff or punt return and the usual running, blocking and tackling.    His wife said “those guys are playing, but that guy there is sleeping”.    I’ve always loved that one.

HILARITY:   Soviet premier in the 1990s Gorbachev and his chauffeur were riding in the country. The chauffeur’s auto accidentally ran over a pig. Gorbachev went to the farmhouse to tell the farmer what had happened to his hog. Shortly thereafter, Gorbachev ran amongst a hail of brooms, garbage and screams by the farmer. Down the road, the same incident happened. Gorbachev went to the farmhouse. A minute later, Gorbachev ran back amongst another hail of garbage, nails and miscellaneous refuge back to his chauffeur!
Going down the road, the same incident happened again!   This time, Gorbachev ordered his chauffeur to the farmhouse to tell the owner what had happened.  A half hour went by.   The chauffeur came out with wreaths wrapped around him, caviar, piles of food and gifts.   Gorbachev said “look, what happened when you told him?”.    The chauffeur said  “I told him”.    Gorbachev:  then why the merriment and delirious joy!    WHAT did you say to him?!”   Chauffeur:  “I told him.  Gorbachev is in the car.    The pig is dead”.
THAT earned the Russian citizen who told that joke THREE YEARS in the gulag.

JOKES BY POP:   “A novice ” that means a golfer who has not been on “the links” for long, or, who doesn’t golf much and/or,  has not practiced much, on a “water hole”, hit the golf ball into the water.   Pop:  “did you see that!   She hit that ball right SMACK in the middle of that pond.    Dead center!  I mean bulls eye!”

A “first time on the links” lady golfer was playing a round with 3 men friends.   Playing on the first hole, she hit a three wood four feet from the flag.   The men scratched their heads.   On the next hole, a par 3, she hit the golf ball and the ball landed three and a half feet from the flagstick.   The men looked at each other with obvious wonderment.  On the next hole, she hit an iron shot and it landed two feet from the hole.   The men scratched their heads some more.    The lady said:  “am I doing poorly?”    The men said:    “You kidding?!    You are doing fine”.    The lady:   “am I hitting it too close to the cup?”     The men said:   “No, no.  The closer the better.   Keep aiming at the flag when you get ready to shoot.   The object is to hit the fewest strokes to get into the cup.   You are doing great.   Keep trying to hit the ball into the cup.”    The lady said:   “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

A Vietnamese woman once told me:   “English is easy to learn.”   But many would disagree with that statement.   It is easy to misunderstand what a person is saying. Souls can be talking with each other and/or one another; think they understand but are misunderstanding what the other or others are truly saying. Here’s a good joke:

A travelling woman was confirming directions with a “native”.   In this context, “native” means a person who has known the surroundings for a long time,
especially one who was born in the surroundings being discussed.   The woman said: “so I turn RIGHT about two miles down that road”.  

Native:  “no, you turn LEFT.”

Woman: “no, that’s not RIGHT.”

Native: “no, turning RIGHT is not RIGHT.”

Woman:   “RIGHT, I’m turning RIGHT.”

Native: “If you turn RIGHT, you’ll be LEFT”.

And, that’s one phraseology, pun — whatever you call it — that shows how DIFFICULT and CONFUSING the English language can be.

One of the largest  “kicks”  Pop got while watching Little League baseball games was observing the problems the boys were having.  The kids all wanted to be “the great slugger”.   So Pop would observe the little ones walk to the plate, swinging that bat, thinking about and dreaming about hitting a home run.   So the “slugger” would step up to the plate, look at the third base coach, and the coach would signal the “slugger” to bunt!   And Pop would roar with laughter.

Now the following is a myth spread by the historians.   The hyper-inflation in Germany from 1919 through 1923 bankrupted the entire middle class.  That hyper-inflation, from one standpoint, ONE TRILLION PERCENT!!!   This gauge would be that, in 1918, one United States Dollar would buy 4 Weimar republic German marks. By December, 1923, one United States Dollar bought FOUR TRILLION German marks!   The tale was told that creditors were FLEEING from debtors and debtors were paying their creditors without mercy.   This fairy tale is told EVEN TODAY at
most of the alleged  “institutions of higher learning”.  The textbooks that print this ROT are still being used!!   Wealthy people did not work their way up to become well off to provide for their families and descendents by being dumb.   The well-to-do know when the currency that they trade is not backed by gold.   Simple junior high logic tells you that the well off KNOW to put a stipulation in the loans that they make.   At a certain point, the loan will be paid back by a certain percentage of silver, or in silver and gold, or, at a certain point the loan will be paid back in gold. The Word of The LORD says: the borrower is the servant of the lender:  Proverbs .

Those will attempt to believe that there is “no Hell” are wishful thinkers and trap themselves.   Have never performed what I’m going to relate on any of these poor, deluded souls whom I pray for.   There was a “no Heller”  who was arguing with a Christian.   The Christian told the deluded infidel that he would feel the heat.   The infidel: “what …. are you talking about?”    The Christian said to the pagan: “you have a lighter?”   The heathen: “yep”, and handed it to the Christian.   Christian: “like that!”   The Christian had lit the lighter and pressed the flame into the unbelievers arm.

I should have stood up to my EVIL-lutionist “professor”  – Romans 1:22 –  when he attempted to brainwash his classes with the LIE of EVIL-lution.   But I never did.   What I should have done was ask him if his great-great-great-great-great-grandmother, or his great-great-great-great-grandmother, or his  great-great-great-grandmother, or his great-great-grandmother, or his great-grand mother,  or his grandmother, or his MOTHER was a baboon or chimpanzee or gorilla or monkey or simian green monkey or primate or a Chinese monkey or an ape.   All LIARS change their LYING line.  They’re probably telling their classes that are from a different breed of monkey.

Pop had no interest in “chasing a golf ball around”,  so he didn’t play much golf.  He played some miniature golf and chip and putt.   One time, he was playing with some of his war buddies on a pasture.   So Pop drove off and walked down the “makeshift fairway”.   One of his buddies teed off.   He and all the buddies yelled at Pop as the golf ball was coming right at Pop.   Finally, Pop ducked and in the nick of time. His buddies said:   “we thought you’d never move!”   Pop said:  “the ball didn’t move, either.  Then it got a little bit bigger;  little bit bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger.   Figured I’d better get out of the way”.

THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW:    

S3/Ep28    Sitcom or episode entitled  “The Rivals”.    Not a good title;  may be entitled differently in previous years.   Apparently, the writer or director wanted to highlight that “Opie” was competing for Barney’s girl.    Does any one know what happened to Karen Burgess { Ronda Jeter } on the Andy Griffith show { frequently abbreviated as “” } in 1963?   She performed on The Andy Griffith Show in 1963 { may be late in 1963 since “Ep” may stand for “episode” } and thereafter under a different name when she and Opie { Ronny Howard } were teens in shows from 1965 or ’66 through 1968, I believe.    Ronda Jeter made eight appearances on The Andy Griffith show.    Ronda was approximately nine or ten years old in 1963.    She was in the same class as Opie { Ronny Howard } portrayed in another show entitled ” Andy discovers America”.    Therefore, she was probably nine or nearly nine, as she was quite possibly born in 1954.    I messaged Ronnie Howard on fagbook facebook regarding the inability to find anything about Ronda Jeter, but still no reply as of yet.   This was on:

http://www.al.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2016/08/the_andy_griffith_show_whos_st.html:

Other children on the show ~  Many actors who played children are still around.  They include Keith Thibodeaux, also known as Richard Keith ( Johnny Paul Jason ), , Dennis Rush ( Howie Pruitt ),  Ronda Jeter  (  Karen Burgess ),  David Bailey ( Trey Bowden ), John Reilly ( Billy ? ), Ronnie Dapo ( Arnold Winkler ) and Ronnie Howard’s real-life brother, Sheldon Collins, also named Sheldon Golumb } who played the continuously chomping down on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich chomping  “Arnold” Bailey ( 1955-   ).    But the website does not say how they know Ronda Jeter is still around and where she is now.

On Karen Burgess’ { Ronda Jeter }  second appearance on TAGS,  in April, 1963.   Her first  appearance was on “Andy Discovers America”, in “Miss Helen Crump’s { Aneta Corsaut } class.   The comedy { humor } show starred Opie { Ronny Howard } and Opie had already really liked Karen Burgess { Ronda Jeter }, but Karen Burgess did not seem to return the favor.    Opie was sitting on the steps of the only motel in Mayberry, which was situated near “Mr. Foley’s” grocery store, waiting for Karen { Ronda Jeter}.   Karen walked by and Opie began talking with Karen saying:  “Oh, Hi there Karen.”   

Karen:  “Hi.”   But Karen kept walking.   Opie caught up to her. 

Opie:   “Did you get the note I sent you in class?”   

Karen:  “Yes,  I got it.”   Karen kept walking and Opie kept hurrying to catch up.     Opie:  “Last week, Floyd gave me a haircut.   Floyd said I will shaving soon” (laughter from the audience).   Karen keeps walking.   Opie then asked Karen if she wanted to see a real live jail.   Karen said “okay”.    She walked in to the courthouse – jail with Opie, looked around and saw Sheriff Andy Griffith.     Opie:  “nobody’s allowed in there, execpton official business.  But I can fix it up with my Pa.”

Opie:  “Hi, Paw.  This is Karen Burgess.”

Andy looked surprised to see Opie with a girl:   “Hi, son.”

Opie:  “This is Karen Burgess.”

Andy:   “Well, how do you do, Karen Burgess.”

Karen:  “How do you do, Sheriff?”

Opie:   “I told Karen that I would show her our jail.  She’s never seen the inside of a real jail”

Andy:   “Oh, well why don’t you show her sournd?  Well, you go right ahead.  I suspect you know the layout as well as anybody.”

Opie showed Karen the file cabinet “where we keep all of our secret papers.  If you would step over here, please.  And this is where we keep our rifles to hunt down desperate criminals.    If you will just step over here, please.  And this is the  cellwhere we keep all kinds of  desperate criminals.  And that’s just part of it.  Most of the time, we’re hunting down desperate criminals.”  ( laughter from the audience ).    Then, Opie showed Karen where he takes out the trash ( loud  laughter from the audience).     Andy put his head into his hands.  

Opie to Andy:   “What’s on the menu today, Paw?   Any road blocks, stake outs, 1024s or 3842?”  urgrsdown from off of her roof”.     Andy immediately saw that Opie would be embarrassed in front of Karen Burgess that nothing “big” had happened.    Andy:  “But that could change at any minute!  That phone could ring and we’d be stacking out, puttin’ up roadblocks, 1024in and 3842in.”   { audience laughter”

Opie – looking at Karen Burgess:   “Well, that’s way she goes.   You caught us on a slow day.   On some days, this place is really jumpin.'”     { Audience laughter }

Then Karen said she had to get to her piano lessons.    Andy:   “Well, Karen, come by any time.   Any friend of Opie’s is a friend of mine.”    Turning to Opie:   “I’ll see ya, son.”

Opie:  ” Ten Four.”  { audience laughter }   Opie opens the door for Karen.

Outside the jail-courthouse:   Opie to Karen:    “Would you like me to carry your books, Karen?”    Karen Burgess:   “No thanks, they’re not heavy.  Bye, bye.”    Opie looks longingly at Karen as she walks, presumably toward her parents house.

The next scene was at Andy’s house with Andy and Opie.   Opie said.   “when you like someone a whole lot, that means you love ’em, doesn’t it?”    Andy:  “Depends.” Opie:  “Pa, when I’m with Karen,  I get a lump in my throat, my ears ring,  and my knees quake all over.   Does that my I’m in love?”   Andy answers:   “Either that or you’ve got a bad case of the measles “.   ( Audience loud laughter )    Opie:  “If I marry Karen some day, that means she becomes a Taylor, don’t she?   Andy:   “Yeah, and your kids will be Taylor’s as well.”    Opie:   “I don’t think we’ll have kids.   We have a lot of kids to play with already.”   { Audience loud laughter }.   Andy:  “Well, of course, that’s all up to you.

Opie:  “Pa, how can I get Karen to like me?”    Andy:   “Appears to me she likes you fine.”    Opie:   “She won’t even let me carry her books.   How can I get her to like me?”    Andy:  “Well, you treat her as nice as you can.   Then, it’s up to the love bug if he’s going to bite or not.   But, if she doesn’t like ya back, I expect you’ll get over it.  Now you put those thoughts out of  your head for now.    About  bedtime, isn’t it?”    Opie:   “Yes, Paw.”   Opie walks to the steps that lead to bed.   He turns and says:   “Paw, she sure is pretty, isn’t she?”     Andy:   “She sure is.  Good night.”

Commercial.  ALL READY!!  DRAT!!

Next scene:   At the sheriff’s office – courthouse – jail – justice of the peace: all in one building:   Barney sneaks up on Andy and exclaims:   “Okay, , Louie, drop the gun !”  

Andy”   Oh, hi Barn.”

Barney:  “Hey, what’s the matter with Opie?  He mooping around like he has no friend in the world.”

Andy:  “Appears that’s about the way he feels.  Love bug’s bit Opie.”  

Barney pretends that he can speak French:   Barney:   “Oh, got the amour de jour  sha jour, huh?    What’d you tell him?”   

Andy:  “What could I tell him?   Told him to be nice to her.”    

Barney:  “Oh, come on, Andy.  Nice guys finish last.  Nice guys finish last.”  { audience laughter }.   Then Barney get to talking about a girl he had a crush on when he was around Opie’s age.   “I know;  I went through it. Old Vikky Harms.  I met her at the ice cream parlour.  Sure had a crush on her.  Met her at the ice cream parlour.   She really threw me for a loop;  she just stopped me out cold  I knew it was love.  Ice childs runnin’ all over me..”   Andy:  “sounds more like your snow cone was leakin.”  { Audience loud laughter }

Andy:   “Vikki Harms?   Had a crush on her, huh?”   Barney:   “Oh, it wasn’t so much that.    She thought she was hot stuff.   Wore long curls, print dresses, fancy collars, print leather shoes;  had her nose up in the air.    She really thought she was hot stuff.  She thought she was something because her father was a civil servant.”   { Audience laughter }   “You know what aggravated me the most about her?   Andy:  “What?”   Barney:  “There wasn’t a day went by that I’d buy a grape snow cone, offered her a sip, and she’d bit the bottom off, sucked out the grape juice and left me with nothing but the ice!”   { Audience laughter }   Andy:   “She diId!   Well, that’s terrible!”   Barney:   “Listen, if I had a date with her today, and got all shaved, you know what I’d do if I saw her now?  I’d walk up to her, suck the syrup out and hand her the ice.  What do you think about that?”   The minute she came to the door, I’d take the snow cone, bite of the bottom, suck out the grape and leave her the ice.   What do you think of that!”   { Audience loud laughter }

Andy:   “Well Barn, if  I was Vikky Harms, and a 35 year old man walked up with a snow cone, I wouldn’t bother answering the door!”   { Loud audience laughter }    Barn:   “Oh, Andy, you know what I mean!”    Note:   Barney { Don Knotts } was actually 38 or 39 at the time of this episode – presented ( and may be recorded all in 1963 ).

Next scene    Opie waiting outside the gorcery stoer thsi tie.   Thelma Loucam out  { Betty Lynn- still alive;  turned 91 on August 29, 2017 } and Andy  { Andy Griffith played himself on The Andy Griffith Show }  was walking from the courthouse-jail toward the grocery store.   They began chatting and saw Opie waiting for Karen Burgess.

Opie:  “Hi Karen.  Watch this”.   Opie began doing handstands;  failed twice, then succeeded and { Thelma Lou walked out } asked Karen “can you do that?”.     Karen said:  “yes, but I don’t think it would be very ladylike”  { Audience  laughter }.   

Karen walked off and Opie sat on the sidewalk watching Karen walk.   Thelma Lou had come out of Foley’s grocery store and was watching  – the same store that said “10 LB bag potatoes  29 cents”    This program was made in 1963.   Andy:  “howdy, thelma Lou,  Op”  Thelma Lou to Andy:   “He sure is love sick, isn’t he.”   Andy said softly and with a little snickering laughter:   “Yeah, ah huh.”   Thelma Lou turned and said to Opie:   “Mr. Foley has my groceries.  I need a big, strong man to carry my groceries from inside the store.”    Andy:  “Opie would be glad to do that, wouldn’t ya, Op?.”   Opie heard, even though he was still looking at Karen walking away.    Opie went to get “Thel’s” groceries without saying a word.   Thelma lOU:  “I’M MAKING FUDGE BROWNIES?”   ANDY:  “Fudge brownies, umm umm!’

When Opie came out with Thelma Lou’s groceries, “Thel” asked Opie if he would like to help her make some brownies.   Opie said”  “Sure.”    Barney ( Don Knotts ) got upset when Thelma Lou broke a “mini-date” to go Walker’s drug store to get a cup of coffee.   Thel said: “Oh, I’m sorry, Barney.   I’ve can’t right now.   I’ve got to make some brownies and Opie’s going to help me.   You want to come?”    Barney:  “noo” in a little bit of a miffed way that Thelma Lou was breaking a “mini-date”.    Andy told “Barn”  “Opie’s feelin’ sad.  Karen turned him down again.  Thelma Lou’s keeping him company so he won’t feel so bad.”   Barn:  “Ohh”.  Thelma Lou and Opie began walking toward Thelma Lou’s place to make fudge brownies.   { I think “Thel” was famous for making delicious fudge brownies.}   

Thelma Lou began walking with Opie. 

Thelma Lou:   “How was school today, Opie?”

Opie:  “Oh, about the same.”    They began walking.   

Thelma Lou:   “How do you like brownies, Opie?”

Opie:  I really like them with almonds, walnuts and I even like ’em plain.”

Then the unexpected:   in a dramatic turn of feelings, Karen { Ronda Jeter } was standing where Opie was in the opening scene { at the only motel in Mayberry }.   She had a little bit of a longing look.   She played the part quite well.   The camera “closed in” on Karen and then closed in a little closer as Karen turned her head and you could see her hair well groomed and waving in the breeze.

Then another commercial!   “A series of enlightenments that persuade you to want what you don’t need and to buy even if you don’t have the money to buy it!”

Next scene was in Thelma Lou’s kitchen:

Only known look in Thelma Lou’s kitchen on TAGS { The Andy Griffith Show } Thelma Lou:  “Soon as I get these cleaned up, we will make up a recipe of walnuts, half  , half

Later, Barney called Thelma Lou and Opie answered the phone. 

Barney:   “Hi, Pussycat.” 

Opie:   “Oh, hi Barney.”    { Audience loud laughter }
Barney:  “You still there, Opie!”  

Thelma Lou was washing dishes.   “Ask him what he wants, Opie.” 

Opie, politely to Thelma Lou:  “He wants to speak to you.”

Thelma Lou:  “Ask him what he wants.”  

Opie:   “What do you want, Barney?”

Barney:   “Ask Thelma Lou if she wants to go riding tonight.”  

Opie looks at Thelma Lou and said:  “Barney wants to know if you want to go riding tonight.”

Thelma Lou:  “That might be fun.  Ask him where  he wants to go riding?”

Opie:   “Where to, Barney?”

Barn:   ” Well, no where in particular.   Just around.”

 Opie:   “You mean around in circles?”.   { Audience laughter } 
Barney:  “Ohh, anywhere.   The duck pond!”

Opie:   “Why do you want to go to duck pond, Barney?    Can’t see the ducks at night.”    ( more audience laughter ).   Camera focuses on Thelma Lou as she smiled her pretty smile.

Barney:   “Ask her;  ask her!”

Opie turns from the telephone and says to Thelma Lou:   “He wants to know if you want to go to the duck pond.”

Thelma Lou smiling:  “Ask him again why he wants to go to the duck pond.”

Opie:   “Barney,  why do you want to go to the duck pond?”

Barney:  “You shouldn’t be doing this!   THIS is a person to person call!  It’s as bad as opening someone else’s mail.”

Opie to Thelma Lou:   “He really wants to talk to you”.

“Thel”:   “You’re doing fine, Opie.”

Barney told Opie to ask her again to come to the phone.    “Thel”  teased, grining and said to Opie:    “Ask him again why he wants to go to the duck pond.”

Barney said “Oh, never mind!”  and hung up the telephone.

Barney said to Andy:   “I never did get to talk to Thelma Lou.   I’ve been trying to get a date with her for days.   Your boy shouldn’t be doing this!  This is a person to person call.  That boy’s a minor.   You  should teach your kid that he shouldn’t be talking on the telephone.”

Andy:   “Well, I’d try”.

Barney:   “Why won’t ya?!”

Andy grinning:   “I may have a tough time explaining  why you want to go to the duck pond at night.”   { more Audience laughter }

Next scene – near the motel:   Barney and Andy see Opie waiting for Karen.  

Andy to Barney:  “There’s Op.  Probably waiting for Karen again.

Opie was sitting at the motel steps where he previously waited for Karen to walk by. 

Barney  { or “Barn”, as Andy would call him } sat down with “Op”  –  he and Andy called him “Op” frequently  – “waiting for your girl, hmm?   Opie nodded his head yes.   Barney:  “You know, I got an idea for you.  This time, when she comes by, step RIGHT OUT and say, ‘Well, here I am, you lucky girl, you!  If you play your cards right, I’ll let you walk with me'”   You try that!”   Opie:   “Really?”   Barney:   “Come on, try that. It never misses!”  Is she coming?”   Opie:  “Yes.”    Barney:  “Okay, do it.”   Opie said fairly closely what Barney told him to say.   A lady’s voice:  “Well, I’ll take you up on that!”   Barney went in to shock.   The girl was Thelma Lou!   Barney called her “Thel” sometimes.    “Thel” said “”Oh, there you are, Barney.   Would you like to walk with us?”   Barney stood up and “noo thank you!”   So Thel and Opie began walking to the coffee shop, which was Walker’s drug store.  It is interesting that the producers of the program had a drug store with a coffee shop and an ice cream, sundae, shakes, and maybe malts available for sale.  This quaint, “country feel”, “good old days” began to disappear and completely disappeared from the big cities by 1960 or so.   This episode was in 1963.   Apparently, the producers remembered – or did their research – that in some tiny towns, the drug store – ice cream sundae – cup of coffee feature were still around.   They were all gone, even in small cities by 1963.  There was one in my city or town when I was little.  It disappeared by 1959 or 1960.  Many of our generation still miss them.  I miss them.  Barney was flustered. 

After Thelma Lou walks off with Opie, Karen came and turned to look to see if Opie was sitting at the hotel.   Karen had long, beautiful hair and it flowed in the breeze.

Barney comes into the sheriff’s office where Andy is.

Barney:  “Andy, I’d like to talk to you, Andy.   You know I like Opie.    He’s obedient, well mannered, well brought up – he’s one of the nicest kids in town.”

Andy:   “I’m glad to hear that.”

Barney:   “But lately, he’s getting to be nothing but a pest!   I haven’t been able to get a date with Thelma Lou for days.   When I call her, he’s always there.”  { Barn had only called her that once in the show.}

Andy:   “You see there.  You never should have told him all your secrets on how to handle a woman.   Opie’s taken your girl right away from ya.”   {Audience loud laughter}  Barney:   “Now, I’m not kidding.

Andy:  “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about it, Barn”.   So that’ll give you evenings to catch up to him.”
Tomorrow’s Saturday, and Opie will be so busy running around, jumpin’ hoopin’ and hollerin’,   he will have forgotten all about girls and Thelma Lou and everything”.

Barney huffed or made a face.

Then another commercial!   Sad!   Never get to see the final scen any more.

Andy:    “You see that?    You never should have taught him how to handle women.   He stole your girl right out from under ya.  { loud laughter from the audience }   But I’ll tell you what.  Opie has to be in bed by 8:30.  So you will be able to see Thelma Lou after that.  I’ll have to admit, that boy’s shore is dynamite up until dark!”. { Audience laughter }   “shore”:   Andy used a southern “drawl”  often.

Barney:   “Ooh, Andy.”

Next portrayal:   Andy walks into the courthouse and sees Barney:   “Pretty sneaky hair lotion.   Looks like you got a date.”   Barney didn’t say anything.   He just grinned a little, or said “yeah” with a very low tone of voice.

Opie walks in:   “Paw, remember what you told me?  You were right about getting over girls.  I’ve gotten over Karen now that Thelma Lou’s my girl.”   Andy doesn’t correct him.  Thelma Lou’s your girl, huh?

Opie:  “And guess what?  Today’s Saturday, so I’ll be able to spend all day with her.”

Barney:    “I’ll go have a cup of coffee!”   Barney, feelings hurt, storms out of the sheriff’s office.

Opie:    “Yeah, Paw, and tomorrow’s Saturday.   I’ll be able to spend all day with Thelma Lou.”

Andy .   “Thelma Lou’s your girl, huh?   What you going to do?”

Opie:  “I don’t know.”

Andy:  “Why don’t you go bike ridin’.”

Opie:  “Yeah.” 

Andy pauses:   “Welll, no.  that won’t work.    Grown women don’t go bike riding.   Why don’t you go to the moves?    What movie are they showing?”

Opie:   “The cowboy movie.”

Andy:   “Cowboy movie?   Isn’t that a shoot em up , picture? 

Opie:   “yeah.”

Andy:   “Welll, that won’t work, either.””

Opie:  “Not for grown ups?”   { Audience laughter }

Andy:  “Nooo.   Grown women like movies with kissing in ’em.”

Opie:  “Paw, just what can you do with a grown woman?”   {  audience laughter }

Andy:   Well,let’s see.  sometimes, you go shopping.  Aand, you watch as she tries on dresses.  And you tell if you like the green one with the white stripes, or the blue dress with the brown dots.  And then you go to the hat department.  { audience laughter }. Aand, you wait, while she tries on hats and you tell her which hat you like.  And then, you go to visit her mother  { Very loud audience laughter }.   And you stay there until, ohh, about dark.  And then, you go home.

Andy then moves the shutters a little bit that cover the window and sees Karen Burgess standing outside the sheriff’s office hoping that Opie  { Ronnie Howard } would come outside.   Karen had a longing look.

Andy continues:  “And it’s a real fun time;  no doubt about it, it’s a fun time all the way around.”  Then, Andy gently moved Opie to the outside.  “Soo, you go out and have yourself a swell time”,   as Karen was still waiting to see if Opie would come out.   “and it’s a fun day.  It’s s a fun day all the  way around.”

Opie went out and saw Karen.   “Oh, hi Karen.”

Karen:   “Hi, Opie.  You want to go to the movies?”

Opie:   “Yeah.   And then go to Walker’s drug store and get a soda?

Karen, with her cute little girl smile:  “Suure”.

Opie:   “What movie you going to?”
Karen: “The cowboy movie.”

Opie:  “And, after that, you want to go to Walker’s drug store and have a soda?  Karen:  “OK”.

Opie:   “Just a minute, Karen.”     

Opie goes back in to the sheriff’s office and Andy sits quickly to hide the fact that he was looking out the window.

Opie:   “Paw, could you kind of explain things to Thelma Lou that I won’t be able to go shopping with her?”

Andy:  ” Oh?  Well, I’ll try.  Might be kind of a shock.  But, like you say, Thelma Lou’s is a grown woman.   I expect she’ll handle it. okay.”

Opie;   “Thanks, Paw. That’s right, she is.”   And Opie rushes out of the sheriff’s office door.

Karen and Opie began walking.   Opie got on Karen’s right side and held her hand.    Since Karen was next to the street, Opie let go of Karen’s hand, whirled to Karen’s left hand side and held hands with her again as they were walking toward the direction of the motel and presumably to where the theater was.    { Audience laughter when Opie switched to  Karen’s left side to protect her from potential street traffic. }

After more commercials, the final segment { some times!!  Way, way, way TOO MANY COMMERCIALS!!!   Shows get cut short!!    Barney is still “bugged” that he could not get a date for 24 hours with Thelma Lou.   It was not “days”, as Barney said on the show.    Presumably, that was in the script for dramatic effect.

Barney to Andy:  “I’m going to teach Thelma Lou a lesson”.    Andy:  “Barn, don’t do it”.    Timing a fake telephone call to the time Thelma Lou would enter into the sheriff’s office-jail-courthouse,  Barney went in to his act.    “Sally, thanks for calling.   No, I’m tied up.  Can’t see you tonight.”    Then the telephone rang!   { loud laughter from the audience }   Barney had his embarrassed, humiliated look.    Thelma Lou:   “I’m sorry Barney, that you’ve got a date.   I was hoping we could go to the duck pond tonight.”  And then Thelma Lou walked out {loud audience laughter}.    Barney was humiliated.    And that was the end of the show.

So that’s the happy ending to the episode of nine-year-old Opie with his puppy love and a “date” with Karen, who was shown to be in the same class as the 1963 episode, “Andy Discovers America”.     It is always a happy ending when a boy meets a girl and the girl agrees to go out with him.    Romance never fails to fascinate.  Women say that “men do not try to understand us.”    That is true some of the time.    But girls do not understand boys and women do not understand we men.    When a boys asks a girl for a date, and/or the girl comprehends that a boy is attempting to “work up the courage”  to ask her out, the girl should NOT be rude, nor turn the boy down cold.    The girl should be polite and use good diplomacy.    Mothers should teach their daughters these amenities and social graces.    If the girl doesn’t want to date that boy for what ever of many, many possible reasons, the girl should politely say something like “may be at a later time”  and give the name of one of her female friends or female loved one who may wish to go out with him.    If only women would realize how devastating it is for a man to be turned down by a woman.    Women don’t understand us!    A decent, real male father brings up his male children to reign in his passions as he knows what a boy is living through when he begins his teen years.   For a sodomite judge to assign a child to a sodomite so-called couple is a crime and an abomination.   It will be HORRIFIC for him at the Great White Throne Judgment when he will stand before The Lord Jesus Christ and see a vast Lake of Fire awaiting him.    The Lord has given to us a Tremendous Gift:  attraction to the opposite sex.   There are only two sexes –  Genesis Two, et cetera^.    Some would pervert and attempt to suppress The Tremendous Love Present from The Lord of being married, truly married in the Real Sense of The Word, to the opposite sex.    The seeking of a female woman wife and a male man husband will never cease until the millennium closes.   Mere, mortal man cannot undo what The Lord has created and has commanded.
Saw a very few of the later,  “color” television episodes of Andy Griffith.     I saw on a couple websites that Ronda Jeter was dancing with Opie { Ronnie Howard }  and she used a different “show”  name.    Does any one know what happened to Ronda Jeter?    According to live.autographmagazine.com , Ronda Jeter { spelled that way in the cast presented on the show, but spelled “Rhonda”  by other sources },
But if any one knows where Ronda Jeter is, no one is speaking.   And neither is Ronda, apparently.    My recollections do not always agree with a few of their recollections, but there are pictures and they do have some good material up:    http://mayberry.wikia.com/wiki/The_Rivals#WikiaArticleComments

My answer to a guy Instagram:   Hi:   Are you able to confirm that Ronda Jeter went to Thousand Oaks, CA, High School?    Was she born in 1953, 1954 or 1955?    The show did not say what grade Ronny Howard and Ronda Jeter were in.   Where was she living when she appeared on the Andy Griffith Show { TAGS } in April, 1963?   I am not positive about the date, and it is possible that the first show in Miss Crump’s { Aneta Corsaut } class that Ronda Jeter was in was PRIOR to “The Rivals”.    She may have appeared in the show where Dick Van Dyke’s very clumsy brother was directing school children across the crosswalk.   I do not know the date that show was presented.   Thanks.

Andy:  Andy Samuel Griffith ( June 1, 1926 – July 3, 2012 )       Opie:   Ronald William “Ron” – Ronny in the introduction to every show – Howard { March 1, 1954  –  }       Karen Burgess:   Ronda Jeter ( 1954?  –  ? }    Peggy McMillan { Joanna Cook Moore November 10, 1934 –  November 22, 1997 }, Andy’s first girlfriend on the shows.   Helen Crump:  Aneta Corsaut  ( November 3, 1933 – November 6, 1995 }     Barney Fife:   Jesse Donald Knotts  ( July 21, 1924 – February 24, 2006 )       Thelma Lou:   Elizabeth Ann Theresa “Betty” Lynn  { August 29, 1926 –    )      Gomer Pyle:   James Thurston “Jim” Nabors  { June 12, 1930 – November 29, 2017 }.  Wally, owner of Wally’s filling station { Norman Leavitt ( December 1, 1913 – December 11, 2005 }     Aunt Bee:  Francis Elizabeth Bavier { December 14, 1902 – December 6. 1989 }        Floyd:  Howard McNear  {  January 27, 1905 – January 3, 1969 }      Goober Pyle:  George Smith “Hal”Lindsey  { December 17, 1928 – May 6, 2012 }     Ellie Walker:   Elinor Donahue { April 19, 1937 –  }    Clara Edwards:   Sarah Hope Summers { June 7, 1896 – June 22, 1979 } — daughter of a Congressman of the United States.  Source:  live.autographmagazine.com      Otis Campbell ~ town drunk.   In real life, HAL SMITH never drank  { August 24, 1916 – January 28, 1994 }.    Leon:   Clint  Howard ~ younger brother of Ronny Howard { April 20, 1959 –   }.   Howard Sprague { ? – 1994 }   { Jack Dodson }    “Jud” Jubal Fletcher { Burt Mustin ? – 1977 }.     Rafe Hollister { Jack Prince ? – 1971 }.   First mayor in the series:  Mayor Pike { Dick Elliott – ? 1961 }.     The second “Mr. Mayor” of Mayberry, known as “Mayor Stoner”,  shown on the Andy Griffith show starting late in 1961, I believe, as Mayor Pike died some time in 1961:   Parley Baer.   He appeared also on “Ozzie and Harriet”  in 1952.   { August 5, 1914- November 22, 2002 }     Jack Burns { Deputy Warren Ferguson } — appeared in 1965.    Allan Melvin {

DYING WORDS OF SAVED AND UNSAVED:

THE KING JAMES 1611 BIBLE HAS BEEN RIDICULED, ATTACKED, BURNED, HACKED, SLICED, BUT IT STANDS FOR EVER!!    PSALM 119:89, 119:42, 53, 160, and many more in PSALM 119 ALONE!!    GENESIS 40:8, PSALM 50:16-22, ROMANS 9:17, et cetera^.       And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.  And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue;  for I am tormented in this flame.   They have Moses, let them hear them.  Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father’s house;   for I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them lest they also come into this place of torment.”     ( Luke 16:23 – 31 )    In LUKE 16, the sodomite rich man { clothed in purple} cried for mercy, but he did not repent!   He begged for water, but he did not repent!

This man’s first cry was for himself, that he might find relief from the torment and agony he knew in Hell.  When he found this impossible, he immediately begged that a soul-winner would present the Gospel to his family so that they might be saved from the anguish that was his.   How many others in Hell might be pleading the self same request, if only we might hear them?

The last words we hear of Cain, the world’s first murderer, are:  “My punishment is greater than I can bear.”  I am sure that is the cry of many in Hell today.

Lord Byron, at 36 years of age, was facing death after a life without God.  He said, “My days are in the yellow leaf, the flower and fruit of life are gone; the worm, the canker, and the grief are mine alone.”

And I saw a great white throne, and Him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them.   And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God;  and the books were opened:  and another book was opened, which is the book of life:  and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.   And the sea gave up the dead which were in it;  and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them:  and they were judged every man according to their works.  And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire.   This is the second death.  And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.  –  Revelation 20:11- 15

Accounts from History:

A MUSLIM GRAND MUFTI:  NO HAPPINESS IN THE MOHAMMEDAN RELIGION; CALIPH ABD-ERRHAMAN IS WITNESS
This great {???} caliph, the third of his name, who was distinguished { ??!! } for his patronage of learning and the arts, and who raised the moslem empire in Spain to its highest point, was born in 888 and died in 961.   The testimony of this ungodly successor of mohammed at the end of his career shows how neither the possessions of earth nor the teachings of the mohammedan religion had power to satisfy a human soul.  His words were:  “Fifty years have passed since first I was caliph.  Riches, honors, pleasures, I have enjoyed all. In this long period of seeming happiness.   I have numbered the days on which I have been happy. They amount to fourteen.”

**Caesar Borgia: “While I lived, I provided for everything but death;  now I must die, and am unprepared to die.”

 

The notorious saladin, heathen “allah believing muslim { Psalm One, Two, 58:10, 62:3, Isaiah 8:20, John 3:18,36;  1John 2:21-23, 4:1-6;  Jeremiah 10:2, et cetera^ }   AND     http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/search.php?hs=1&q=learn+not+ the+way+of+the+heathen }  muslim general:   his dying words in 1193 A.D:   “My life is nothing but the tattered coat I wear!”

** Charteres cried, “I would gladly give { 2000 pounds he actually said – Nextaxpro } one hundred and fifty thousand dollars to have it proved there is no hell!”

In great terror,  ** hobbs the infidel said, “I am taking a fearful leap into the dark.”

** altamont the infidel, cried out his last words: “My principles have poisoned my friend; my extravagance has beggared my boy;  my unkindness has murdered my wife.  And is there another hell?   Oh, thou blasphemed, yet most indulgent Lord God!  Hell is a refuge if it hides me from thy frown.” 

** Thomas Scott, president of the English lower house, died in 1594:   “Until this moment I thought there was neither a God nor a Hell.  Now I know and feel that there are both, and I am doomed to perdition by the just judgment of the Almighty.”   (Sir Thomas Scott)

** Adams:  A noted infidel by the name of Adams cried out these last words, “I’m lost! Lost!  Lost!  I’m Damned!   Damned!   Damned forever!”   His agony was so terrible that he tore his hair from his head as he passed into eternity.  

** charles IX { dope pope devout papist } was responsible for ordering the great massacre that took place on St. Bartholomew’s Day.   { catholics murdering Protestant born again Christians.  – Nextaxpro }   On his own dying day, Charles cried, “What blood!  What murders!   I know not where I am.  How will all this end?  What shall I do?   I am lost forever…I know it!”

** robert ingersoll:   “O God, if there be a God, save my soul, if I have a soul!”  (Some say it was this way: “Oh God, if there be a God, save my soul if I have a soul;   from hell, if there be a hell!”

** david hume, atheist philosopher famous for his philosophy of empiricism and skepticism of religion:   { when death came, } he cried loud on his death bed “I am in flames!”  It is said his “desperation was a horrible scene”. 

** napoleon bonaparte, the French emperor, and who, like adolf hitler, brought death to millions to satisfy his greedy, power-mad, selfish ambitions for world conquest:   “I die before my time, and my body will be given back to the earth.   Such is the fate of him who has been called the great napoleon.   What an abyss between my deep misery and the eternal kingdom of Christ!”

** brown – unsaved:   “Devils are in the room ready to drag my soul down to Hell.    It’s no use looking to Jesus now; it’s too late!”   Cried brown

** volney:   The anguish of Volney, the atheist, was reported to be something awful to behold.   Nothing could calm him, but he repeatedly screamed out,  “My God! My God!”  { Exodus 20:7, Deuteronomy 5:11 – Nextaxpro }  until he finally fell back dead.

** Kay, when dying, he cried “Hell! Hell!” with a soul-rending terror.  His family fled from the house until death had quieted him.  The book that I read while in school may have been regarding Kay, whoever “Kay” was.   That book recounted:  ” His groaning was so terrifying that his family fled from the house until the groaning ceased”.

** thomas paine was a noted infidel, brazen in his attacks on God and the Bible.  Yet when death came, his boldness was gone, and he pleaded,  “Stay with me!   Stay with me for God’s sake!  { Exodus 20:7, Deuteronomy 5:11 – Nextaxpro }    I cannot bear to be alone!”

** mirabeau.  begged:  “Give me more opium that I may not think of eternity!”    

Evangelist, teacher, author and radio evangelist Oliver Green{e} once told of a man on his deathbed who suddenly began to scream in terror:  “Pull me up in the bed!   My feet are burning!   I am sliding into Hell!”   

M.F. Rich: “Terrible horrors hang over my soul!  I have given my immortality for gold; and its weight sinks me into a hopeless, helpless Hell!

David Strauss, leading representative of German rationalism, after spending a lifetime erasing belief in God from the minds of others:  “My philosophy leaves me utterly forlorn!  I feel like one caught in the merciless jaws of an automatic machine, not knowing at what time one of its great hammers may crush me!”

Tallyrand was one of the most cunning French political leaders of the Napoleonic era. On a paper found at his death were these words: “Behold eighty-three passed away!  What cares! What agitation! What anxieties!  What ill-will! What sad complications! And all without other results except great fatigue of mind and body, a profound sentiment of discouragement with regard to the future, and disgust with regard to the past!”

William E. Henley, an atheist, wrote a famous poem “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.” Men who have been bold in their defiance of God have lauded Henley’s poem, but most of them were not aware that William Henley later committed suicide.

** david strauss, leading representative of German rationalism, after  spending a lifetime erasing belief in God from the minds of others:  “My philosophy leaves me utterly forlorn!  I feel like one caught in the merciless jaws of an automatic machine, not knowing at what time one of its great hammers may crush me!”

** voltaire , upon his deathbed, cried out, “Oh, Christ!  Oh, Jesus!   I must die abandoned by God and men.”   His condition was so frightening that his infidel associates were afraid to approach his bedside.   voltaire said to his doctor, “I am abandoned by God and man.   I will give you half of what I am worth, if you will give me six months of life.”  The doctor replied,  “Sir, you cannot even live six weeks.”     voltaire immediately answered, “Then I shall go to Hell, and you will go with me!”

“Devils are in the room ready to drag my soul down to Hell!  It’s no use looking to Jesus now;  it’s too late!”    ( **Brown)

**  Francis Newport – unsaved infidel:  “What argument is there now to assist me against matters of fact?   Do I assert that there is no (H)hell while I feel one in my own bosom?   That there is a God I know, because I continually feel the effect of His (W)wrath.    That there is a (H)hell, I am equally certain, having received an earnest of my inheritance already in my own breast.  Oh!  That I was to lie a thousand years upon the fire that is never quenched to purchase the (F)favor of God, and be reunited to Him again!    But it is a fruitless wish.   Millions and millions of years will bring me no nearer to the end of my torments than one poor hour!    O Eternity!  Eternity!   Oh!   The insufferable pangs of (H)hell!    Oh Eternity!  Forever and forever!”   ( **Francis Newport )

The sad reality is that every infidel whose last words can be found recorded expressed unimaginable grief and fear of death.     CONCLUSION:   We all have a DATE with DEATH!    There are many religionists and infidels breathing THE LORD’S AIR TODAY!!!    All of us are born on death row.   Most people are scared to death of dying.   They do not want to talk about it or be talked to about it.    Man has no way of knowing the date of his death.   Everybody knows their BIRTHDAY but nobody knows their DEATH DAY!   The Bible teaches us that death is an appointment (Hebrews 9:27).   Unlike all other appointments, death is one that cannot be rescheduled.  The Scriptures also teach us that death is NOT the end.    After death there will be a Judgment.   The saints of God will be clothed in The Righteousness of The Lord Jesus Christ.   The lost sinner will stand with his sins open before God and be sentenced to his eternal condemnation.

Examining the last words of saints and sinners causes me to say with The Scripture,  “Let me die the death of the righteous…”  (Numbers 23:10).   The child of God does not have to fear the day of death.  No Christian has ever been recorded recanting in torment in their dying hours.  Death is Certain.
Judgment is Sure.   { Hebrews 9:27, Revelation 20:10-15 – Nextaxpro }
Sin is the Cause.   Christ is the Cure!

*WHAT WILL YOUR LAST WORDS BE???

** Caesar Borgia: “While I lived, I provided for everything but death; now I must die, and am unprepared to die.”

**Gibbon, author of The Decline and Fall of the Roman empire.   He was an infidel, and his dying words are recorded on page 215 of this book:   **Dying Testimonies of Saved and unsaved    This may be the book that I Nextaxpro was referring to.   I have not seen this book since I was in school.     If so, the dying of testimony of Kay was that his family could not stand his groaning and left his bedroom until the groaning stopped.    Kay had passed in to eternity without The LORD JESUS CHRIST.   WHAT A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, IGNOMINIOUS, UNIMAGINABLY HORRIBLE FATE.

The noted French atheist, voltaire, died a frightening death on May 30, 1778.   Let me quote for you the exact record as published, “When voltaire felt the stroke that he realized must terminate in death, he was overpowered with remorse.   He at once sent for the priest, and wanted to be ‘reconciled with the church.’  {sic:  Nextaxpro }  His infidel flatterers hastened to his chamber to prevent his recantation;   but it was only to witness his ignominy and their own.    He cursed them to their faces;  and, as his distress was increased by their presence, he repeatedly and loudly exclaimed, ‘Begone!   It is you that have brought me to my present condition.  Leave me, I say;  begone!   What a wretched glory is this which you have produced to me!’

“Hoping to allay his anguish by a written recantation {  No hope in the pope;  no hope in the priest – Nextaxpro }, he had it prepared, signed it, and saw it witnessed.   But it was all unavailing.    For two months he was tortured with such an agony as led him at times to gnash his teeth in impotent rage against God and man.    At other times in plaintive accents, he would plead,  ‘O, Christ! O, Lord Jesus!’   Then, turning his face, he would cry out,  ‘I must die-abandoned of God and of men!’

“As his end drew near, his condition became so frightful that his infidel associates were afraid to approach his beside. {!!!! – Nextaxpro }   Still they guarded the door, that others might not know how awfully an infidel was compelled to die.   Even his nurse repeatedly said,  ‘For all the wealth of Europe I would never see another infidel die.’    It was a scene of horror that lies beyond all exaggeration.   Such is the well-attested end of the one who had a natural sovereignty of intellect, excellent education, great wealth, and much earthly honor.”   

Shortly after his death the very house in which he printed his foul literature became the depot of the Geneva Bible Society.     The nurse who attended voltaire said:   “For all the wealth in Europe I would not see another infidel die.”   The physician, Trochim, waiting up with voltaire at his death said that he cried out most desparately { SIC:  Nextaxpro }:   “I am abandoned by God and man!    I will give you half of what I am worth if you will give me six months’ { Sic:  Nextaxpro } life.      Then I shall go to hell, and you will go with me.    O Christ!  O Jesus Christ!”

  **  Dying Testimonies of Saved and Unsaved by “rev”  S B Shaw, pp. 49-50.)      https://wordpress.com/post/nextaxpro.wordpress.com/368

Reading of such a dying experience is overwhelming, even to us who are secure in {S}salvation.    Human emotions are a powerful source and no one can live and die without them.   Our present generation has mainly escaped the horror of unpreparing { sic } for death by the use of drugs to kill all pain.  Sadly, the beauty of a Godly death is also lost in our drug culture.   The new “right” of the health world is the right to be free of pain.  In most cases, the pain or joy is simply transferred to the immediate moments after death.    We are spared both the joy and the screams.   

http://www.Jesus-is-Savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/Rock-n-Roll/ozzy.htm

THIS CAN BE YOUR DYING WORDS:   Our Bible teaches us the absolute beauty of a saint’s death,  “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints”  (Psalm 116:15).    Isaiah spoke by prophecy of the triumph that Jesus Christ would accomplish over death,  “He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it”  (Isaiah 25:8).     Apostle Paul echoed this great prophecy, “O death, where is thy sting?  O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ”   (I Corinthians 15:55-57).       

WHAT WILL YOUR LAST WORDS BE???

https://wordpress.com/post/Nextaxpro.wordpress. com/368

https://wordpress.com/post/Nextaxpro.wordpress. com/99

But HE  {GOD Almighty, the LORD JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF} was wounded for our transgressions;  HE was bruised for our iniquities.  The chastisement of our peace was upon HIM, and with HIS Stripes we are healed.   – Isaiah 53:5

But GOD Commendeth HIS Love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, CHRIST died for us.  Much more then, being now justified by HIS Blood, we shall be saved from Wrath through HIM.    Romans 5:8-9.

Repentance toward GOD, and faith toward our LORD JESUS CHRIST.    – Acts 20:21

Please study Isaiah 53, The Gospel of John, the Book of First John and the Book of Romans.

For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of, but the sorrow of the world worketh death.   – 2Corinthians 7:10.

I tell you Nay, but except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish  Luke 13:3, 5.
Verily, verily, I say unto thee:  he that heareth MY Word, and believeth on HIM that sent ME, hath everlasting life:  and shall not come into condemnation, but is passed from death unto life.  John 5:24.</strongFor the wages of sin is death, but the Gift of GOD is eternal Life through JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD.   Romans 6:23https://wordpress.com/post/Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/435
http://twitter.com/Nextaxpro      Nextaxpro@gmail.com
^ I have replaced  “etc.”  with “et cetera”  for clarity.   “Et cetera” is “etc.”  is spelled out.   It is Old Latin for “and all of the others”, or, “and all of the rest”.

Advertisements

MANY THANKS to you for taking the time to correspond! Please support this great endeavor to help and educate many people; help many people to help others. Please encourage your loved ones and trusted friends to visit, study my blog thoroughly and frequently. I am expanding and have several more Categories that will be coming! LORD Bless: Nextaxpro https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2006/02/19/cults-and-exposes-of-sodomites https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/category/sorcery-psychology-a-seduction-of-the-jesuit-devils-the-worlds-most-evil-and-most-dangerous-cult https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/11/09/why-do-sodomites-so-fiercely-serve-their-master-satan https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/category/and-they-near-to-breaking-the-door-genesis-19 https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/04/25/is-sodomy-evil-what-sodomites-do-eph-511-12-rom-1-etc https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/02/27/revelation-218-leviticus-2013 https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/04/21/the-sorcerer-shrinks-press-tv-do-not-want-you-to-know https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/03/20/but-evil-men-and-seducers-shall-wax-worse-and-worse-deceiving-and-being-deceived https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/04/23/horrible-medical-consequences-of-sodomite-abominations-genesis-1313-leviticus-2013-numbers-3223-proverbs-1027-291-revelation-218 https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/the-noise-and-lyrics-of-devils-in-The-Lords-House For the many who prefer to study in their own language { some dialects available }: Have aversion to recommending google. Doing so because this, believe it or not, thus far, is the most accurate translation. You are correct: I cannot believe it either. https://translate.google.com.my/?hl=en&tab=wT http://babelfish.yahoo.com www.systranet.com This one may be better; may be not. Depending upon which webpage you are on in: http://www.stars21.com You may translate in to approximately 113 languages. Have not been able to ascertain if better than google translate.... MANY THANKS to you for taking the time to correspond! My blog will soon be a website, LORD Willing. RSS feeds are woefully far behind by WP. Please support this great endeavor to help and educate many people; help many people to help others. Please encourage your loved ones and trusted friends to visit, study my blog thoroughly and frequently. Noticed that more are visiting this Category. I am expanding and have several more Categories that will be coming! LORD Bless: Nextaxpro https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2006/02/19/cults-and-exposes-of-sodomites https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/category/sorcery-psychology-a-seduction-of-the-jesuit-devils-the-worlds-most-evil-and-most-dangerous-cult https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/11/09/why-do-sodomites-so-fiercely-serve-their-master-satan https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/category/and-they-near-to-breaking-the-door-genesis-19 https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/04/25/is-sodomy-evil-what-sodomites-do-eph-511-12-rom-1-etc https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/02/27/revelation-218-leviticus-2013 https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/04/21/the-sorcerer-shrinks-press-tv-do-not-want-you-to-know https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/03/20/but-evil-men-and-seducers-shall-wax-worse-and-worse-deceiving-and-being-deceived https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2008/04/23/horrible-medical-consequences-of-sodomite-abominations-genesis-1313-leviticus-2013-numbers-3223-proverbs-1027-291-revelation-218 https://Nextaxpro.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/the-noise-and-lyrics-of-devils-in-The-Lords-House

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.